Five Song Friday #106: The March of Madness
This Week: Future Fiction, Meta Smoking and Grilled Cheese
There are probably a billion different ways to spend money.
I can rattle off ten without even thinking...
Food. Mortgage. Electricity. Coffee. Pez candy. Drugs. Dress pants. Bananas. Dog sweaters. Soup.
And if I keep looking around my office, I could come up with at least a hundred more.
But I’m not trying to show off.
I’m here to prove a point.
My point is that, of all the ways you could spend money, none is more fun than gambling on sports.
If you’re fortunate enough to live in a state that allows online sports betting, congratulations. Every day is your lucky day.
If it’s still illegal where you live? You’ll have to get creative.
Check with the sad guy sitting by himself at Buffalo Wild Wings.
Ask a cop where you should NOT go if you are “a person trying to avoid illegal gambling.”
Or visit random laundromats and nail salons to inquire if they have a back room with a large chalkboard and yelling men wearing suspenders and old-timey visors.
Find a way. Any way.
Because you don’t want to miss out on March Madness.
The annual college basketball tournament is like the Christmas of Super Bowls. It’s like the Oscars and the Espys met the Tonys, the Grammys and the Emmys in Vegas and had a key party with Mike Tyson and a tiger inside a fireworks factory with backup dancers and monster trucks.
It’s like having tickets to see U2, Beyonce, Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran and Bruce Springsteen perform inside the Las Vegas Sphere and watching them climb onto each other to form one big singer like Voltron who absolutely slays a cover of “Baba O’Reilly” before exploding in a brilliant white hot fire more incredible than the simultaneous death of a distant star and the birth of a brand new universe.
What I’m trying to say is that March Madness is literally crazy.
It’s three weeks of thrilling, edge-of-your-seat action. Three weeks of yelling, crying and spontaneous, maniacal laughter.
Three weeks worth of chances to become so stupid rich that you never have to fold your own fitted sheets again.
For gamblers, March Madness is a time to feel alive. It’s a time to feel that rush of putting your financial fate on the next free throw or three-pointer.
It’s a time to put your life savings in the hands of a sweaty and terrified twenty-something senior college student who knows that the world is watching and if he doesn’t put the ball in the hoop, he will disappoint his family, his team, his school, the fans and especially God.
There is no feeling like it in the world.
Veteran gamblers have described the sensation of winning a wager like “being tickled and sneezing at the same time” or a “slow wave of internal electricity followed by an explosion, followed by a text saying you just won $200.”
If you’ve never gambled on sports before and my words are getting harder to resist?
It’s simple to start.
Download one of the many gambling apps available from celebrities like Kevin Hart, Jamie Foxx or Vince Vaughn.
Send your personal information and banking details to a reputable offshore bank.
Make your first deposit and get ready for the ride of your life!
Do you need to understand basic math or the rules of basketball? Not really.
The great thing about sports betting is that there’s no “right way.” Sure, they provide you with “the odds.”
But feel free to go with your gut and get creative.
You can bet for your alma mater. You can bet for your home state. You can bet on your favorite mascots and uniform colors.
Personally, I like putting my money on underdogs and long shots. Because in college basketball, March is a month where ANYTHING can happen.
Does it sometimes NOT happen? Yes.
If I’m being honest, does “anything” almost never happen? Yes.
Do I sometimes feel like the simple act of my betting money on a team dooms said team to a certain, and sometimes stunning, defeat? Yes.
Is it weird that I delete the app at night, only to wake up to find it back on my home screen? Sure.
Have I learned to accept the fact that expensive losses can happen and “lots of money” is a small price to pay for the excitement of rooting for teams who have a lot of heart, but much less athletic skill than their opponents? Yes.
Can I compartmentalize my disappointment by calmly walking to another room to cry? Sure can.
Do I regret betting on a game that I have never played, have never really been a fan of and ultimately don’t care a lick about? No.
Because when it comes to March Madness, I’m all in.
Sure you can just watch basketball like some pedestrian weirdo. But who wants to experience something this magical from the sidelines?
If you want to really LIVE in March, you need to put some skin in the game.
And when I say skin, I mean money.
Not your actual skin.
Nobody wants your actual skin.
Anyone who does should be avoided.
Have fun!
Five Song Friday 106
“Mood Ring” - Dehd
I have a mood ring and it’s called my wedding band. Just wearing it keeps me happy at all times day or night. And if you doubt that, my wife says I need to fight you.
“Tomorrow Goes Away” - Delta Spirit
Here’s a little song about the fleeting nature of the Now. At least that’s how I interpret it. Live in the moment because the future is a fiction. Yesterday doesn’t exist and even tomorrow will eventually go away. Right this second is the only thing that matters or will ever matter. You will never not live in the now. Never. Unless you build a time machine and temporarily visit “then” which is also a variation of now, but one that happened earlier. See me after class if you have any questions.
“Sheikdown” - Sancho Panza
Full confession. I like the song but this artwork was the clincher. A cigarette with a face? A cigarette… smoking a cigarette? Are you KIDDING me? Who comes up with this stuff?!?
“Charmed” - Σtella, Redinho
I’m notoriously cranky lately about the slow pace and heavy-lidded sounds that go with today’s indie rock. Why is everybody always so slow and tired? We live in a golden age of coffee and energy drinks! Perk up people and let’s get loud! But sometimes I’m okay with a loping, languorous little ditty as long as it has some wickedly hooky riffs. Oh man, this one hits the spot. It’s simple but satisfying like a nice grilled cheese sandwich.
“Let’s Work Together” - Wilbert Harrison
If I was a DJ, I would tell you a story about this lovely old song from Wilbert Harrison. I would tell you that this song originally came out in two parts in 1970. I would mention that it was a hit for Canned Heat and Bryan Ferry reworked it as “Let’s Stick Together” (which my wife likes very much). But I’m not a DJ, so if you want to know these things, you should probably just use Google like a normal person.
“I am a holographic representation in the third dimension of what was requested by your souls that one of your favorite artists be.” - Sananda Francesco Maitreya aka Terence Trent D’Arby (Born March 15, 1962)
That’s all for this week!
Thanks for reading!
Sincerely,
DJ CrankyPete