Five Song Friday: Back to School (Shooting)
Episode #126: Seasick Justice, Magic Screens and Backwards Logic
Here we go again.
Back to school and back to the bad news.
At this rate, we may as well save time and pre-print shirts and stickers for every school in the nation that say “[school name] STRONG.”
The Onion already has a story locked and loaded (gun pun trigger warning) for every time this happens.
And since the United States has seen 416 school shootings since April 1999, you can bet they’ll run it again.
The schools I attended growing up? They’re just old buildings with desks that 99.99% of America has never heard of.
Bower. Kingston. Lynnhaven. First Colonial.
Big shrugs. Honestly sound made-up. Anderson Cooper couldn’t find them on a map.
But you say Parkland, Columbine, Sandy Hook, Virginia Tech?
You’re going to frown town. Darkness cuts right to the front of the line.
That’s messed up. That’s a goddamn tragedy.
When I think back to school, I think awkward haircuts and itchy new clothes.
I think of that first day photo under the tree in our front yard, the one with me clutching a Trapper Keeper like it’s the nuclear codes.
The one with me wearing a blazing orange striped collared shirt, looking like a chubby traffic cone. I’m wearing a big oval belt buckle that may as well say “Punch Me.”
I think of the school bus and the speed bump that always sent my butthole into my brainstem.
I think of my first locker and the fear of not making it to class before the bell rings.
I think about the crappy square pizza that tasted way better than it had a right to.
I don’t think of bullets and blood and screaming.
Gun violence wasn’t part of my curriculum.
I didn’t worry about lockdowns and active shooters and what I’d do if an unhinged kid showed up in my classroom to play eenie-meenie-miney-mo with the barrel of an AR-15.
I didn’t have to see what it looked like when pointy-tipped missiles the size of AA batteries tore through the bone, muscle and fat of my friends and teachers.
I never sat on the floor in biology and thought I was for sure going to die.
The worst thing I had to endure was a safe sex assembly.
Group showers with teenage boys who snapped towels and nicknamed your junk.
Stupid stuff that sounds even more ridiculous in comparison.
But that was then.
Today we get phone calls about “unsubstantiated threats” to our daughter’s high school and have to white-knuckle it until we can exhale at 3pm.
I watch the doom loop on CNN while my daughter naps on the couch after cross country. She’s home safe for now.
But tomorrow is another school day.
And in America, that means anything can happen.
Five Song Friday #126
“Ivanka” - Imperial Teen
One of the saddest facts about streaming music platforms is that you cannot find Imperial Teen’s debut album, Seasick, on any of them. I should be able to listen to “You’re One” any time I please! It’s not right and I can’t understand how everyone continues walking around and living their lives like nothing is wrong. Trust me, no good can come from burying your feelings and swallowing your pain. I think it’s time we spoke up and did something about it. Anyone who feels the same way can join me at the downtown Panera this Sunday night for an organizational meeting of PFISS (People For the Immediate Streaming of Seasick).
“Shine a Light’ - Saint B. & The Feeling
Don’t think too hard about this song, just let it into your body through your ears. It will find your booty on its own.
“TV LIFE” - Oscar Mic
Do we realize how lucky we are to live in the TV Renaissance? I mean, there is so much great television to watch, it’s like we don’t have to go anywhere or do anything or think real thoughts! We can just sit and live vicariously through characters on our giant electronic magic screens! If I wanted, I could binge episode until I am old and even dead. In fact, if I die on my couch and the TV is on, I could set it so that Netflix never asks me “Are You Still Watching?” and that way I could keep watching my stories until the flesh falls off my bones!
“Don’t Blame Me” - Craig Christiansen
Look, I wasn’t even in the neighborhood that night. I don’t know the dude. Never saw him in my life. Hell, man… I don’t even OWN a pair of leather pants.
“War Is Peace” - Immigrant Union
Wait, if war is peace… does that mean love is hate? Black is white? Dogs are cats and hot dogs are hamburgers? Is this the Matrix or Inception? Am I getting pranked right now? How come I can’t feel my legs? Is this real life?
“I think there are things in my story that have helped my creativity. Your father being killed, for instance, is one of the best things that could happen to a kid if he's going to write poetry or songs.” - Roger Waters (Born September 6, 1943)
Thanks for reading!
Sincerely,
DJ CrankyPete