Five Song Friday: Community Service
This Week: Fork Threats, Indian Crooners and TV Deities
Forgive me, but I need to take care of some business.
If you’re familiar with the Nextdoor app, you know that signing up means opening the door to an endless barrage of notifications, solicitations, warnings, updates and questions.
I’ve thought several times about unsubscribing. But I have this fear that if I do, I’ll miss out on the BIG ONE. That red alert, this-is-not-a-drill, neighborhood warning about a maniac on the loose or the start of the zombie apocalypse.
This fear is real.
So what happens? I suck it up and endure the daily barrage of email noise from “neighbors” who need roofer recommendations, advice on how to dispose of old house paint or someone willing to donate a kidney for a sick cat.
Usually I ignore all the dramatic pleas for help. I delete the rants about waterboarding criminals who steal sticky quarters from unlocked car consoles. I don’t insert myself into the volatile bickering and emoji-slinging comment wars.
But today I’m going in. No more hiding.
There are several urgent questions from my Nextdoor feed that need answering.
I’m here at the keyboard with absolutely ZERO other ideas. So this is happening. Two birds with one stone, if you will. Please bear with me. This won’t take long.
I’ve left cardboard by the street for the last 2 pickup cycles and it hasn’t been touched. Anyone know why?
Nobody wants your gross street cardboard, weirdo.
I haven't seen any squirrels all summer and present, they used to try to raid my bird feeder all the time and I haven't seen any lately
Hi neighbor. If your question is “Where are all the squirrels?” the answer is simple; LOOK BEHIND YOU.
Hello. I am looking for someone to fix the lighting mechanism in our gas water heater. Who do you suggest?
Probably someone who knows how to fix gas water heaters.
Bearded Dragon veterinarians?
Terrifying, but also intriguing. I like where this is going… but what if it was “Bearded Dragon Lawyers” and we set it in Los Angeles in the future? If it’s animated, we could get Jimmy Smits to voice the lead.
Would like a estimate for a new fence at my mom’s house
One million dollars.
There are several fire engines and police vehicles in the 500 block of Maycox, and I can smell smoke but see no fire. Does anyone have any idea what is going on?
Sounds like some kind of emergency.
This is a beautiful tree. Can you all tell me what it is called?
His name is Brian.
WOW. Helping people feels really good.
Thanks for sticking with me. Enjoy this week’s music and have an exceptionally excellent weekend.
Sincerely,
DJ CrankyPete
Five Song Friday 035
“Got the Time” - Joe Jackson
I once saw Joe Jackson walking in New York City. I was in a restaurant and he was strolling down the sidewalk.
I said, “Hey, that’s Joe Jackson.” A man at the next table locked eyes with me. He shook his head and put one finger up to his lips.
I was confused so I said it again but louder this time.
“I just saw Joe Jackson! The popular English musician who had hits with songs like ‘Steppin’ Out’ and ‘Is She Really Going Out with Him?’”
This guy grabbed his salad fork and yanked me down by the collar until my face was smushed against the white tablecloth. He poked my belly with the fork and said, “You be quiet! You didn’t see NOBODY! Understand me?”
I ignored his double-negative and agreed with him because I didn’t want to be fork-stabbed.
But I know who I saw that day.
It was… [whispers] Joe Jackson.
“Motorcycle” - Liz Cooper
Clearly this lady wants a ride on your motorcycle.
You don’t even have to listen closely to the song. This isn’t some mixed message buried under layers of subtext and innuendo. She just needs a lift somewhere. It’s not like she wants to wrap her legs ‘round these velvet rims and strap her hands ‘cross your engines. Don’t get weird about it.
This is strictly a Point A to Point B transaction. You have this motorized bicycle that can get her where she’s going much faster than walking.
Just give her a ride already!
“No PR Blues” - Netherfriends, FIN
I love this catchy little number. Not only because of its F-bombs, but because it tells a cautionary tale about the consequences of NOT paying for PR (public relations).
You want to be famous? You need to include PR in that budget. You can TRY to become famous without spending money on “a strategic communication process that builds mutually beneficial relationships.”
But you know what? You’ll fail.
“Long Long Walk” - Slow Joe & the Ginger Accident
This band describes themselves as “psyche crooner from India meets rock band from France.” I don’t know them, but from what I’ve read that sounds accurate.
It’s a charming story with a shocking, surprise twist ending. You should read up on it yourself when you have time.
If you don’t have time? This redheaded musician from France meets this old guy in India who can sing so they make a band and record a few albums and then the old guy has a heart attack and dies.
Come to think about it, that’s not a very shocking or surprise twist ending. We all die eventually.
But let me ask you this: How many of us really LIVE?
[fade to black]
“Colour Television” -Eddy Current Suppression Ring
I’m old enough to remember the day that I got my first bedroom television. That 13” black-and-white was a big deal. It was a game-changer that signaled the beginning of my independence. You can laugh, but it changed my LIFE.
Now that I had a TV in my room I didn’t have to go anywhere or depend on anyone. The world came to me through this magic electronic box. And I had my choice of FOUR channels (sometimes five or six, depending on the weather).
Sure, I had to get up to change the channel. But when I did, I got a satisfying (and surprisingly loud) click. It was a manual dial that required EFFORT. My reward was a (mostly) clear picture in various shades of milky gray. Yes, it was sometimes hard to follow sports, but old horror movies looked great.
And yes, if I wanted to get the “full experience” of an episode of Miami Vice I would have to go downstairs and watch in color. And it was only 13 inches, which is smaller than most laptops and iPads these days, but you’re missing the point.
If I wanted to watch David Letterman by myself on a school night, I totally could. And in that respect, I was basically a god.
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That’s all for now. Thanks for reading!
“Virtually every writer I know would rather be a musician.” - Kurt Vonnegut