Five Song Friday: Fear We Go Again
This Week: Confusing Math, Deep Dives and Sloppy Nuggets
Welcome to the scariest time of the year.
It’s the time when all the boogeymen and witches and weirdos come out from the shadows to spook us with their twisted tales of terror!
It’s election advertising season!
Candidates running for office want you to know that the world is a terrifying and dangerous place. And it will only get worse if you vote for their opponent.
If you’re unlucky enough to live in a politically active part of the country, it’s time to buckle up.
Shit is about to get unreal.
And misleading. And half-true.
In TV spots, candidates set a wholesome table surrounded by family and offer bowls of their hearty, home-cooked “truth soup.”
But what they’re serving up is just a weak broth of exaggerated extrapolations, illogical leaps and wild assumptions.
They will garnish it with video clips and newspaper clippings. They will quote people out of context and use every creepy video filter and horror font at their disposal.
But don’t be fooled. This is not “truth soup.”
What they put in front of you is not food… it’s just bullshit with a spoon.
Don’t eat it. That would be gross.
It’s word salad, dog whistle nonsense, sandwiched between Big Pharma musical propaganda spots and Ice-T selling car repair insurance.
The ads are getting worse.
And this isn’t a Republican or Democrat problem.
There isn’t one guilty party, they both have hyperbolic blood on their hands.
One says that the other candidate is “soft on crime.”
How soft?
“She invites murderers, molesters and rapists into her home to hang out and play video games. She serves them Totino’s Pizza Rolls when they get hungry.”
If the other candidate is pro-choice?
“He won’t be satisfied with ending life in the womb. If elected, it’s likely that he’ll lobby for the right to hunt newborns for sport.”
Why is that candidate bad for the economy?
“He ordered Chinese food last night. He’s also been linked a Beijing billionaire who wants to buy up property in America and launch a franchise of human trafficking outlets (kind of like Chipotle, but for white slavery).”
They will cast wild “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” aspersions to connect candidates to hot-button individuals who fire up their base.
“He once shared an elevator with Donald Trump and they both emerged laughing… and wearing each other’s pants!”
“She got a shoulder rub from Joe Biden and LOVED it.”
“His iPhone screensaver is a picture of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez getting a piggy back ride from Bernie Sanders at Burning Man.”
Politicians have lost the ability to walk the middle ground.
The rules of combat have been shredded.
Election campaigns have moved past civilized pugilism and MMA straight to Thunderdome.
Just because someone votes “NO” on a bill that involves the military doesn’t mean that they HATE all men and women in uniform and wipe their ass with the American flag.
Just because someone votes “YES” to add money to a budget doesn’t mean they are Russian sleeper agents determined to infect our government with Communist cooties.
Look, I’m not a huge fan of politicians.
I believe that even a little bit of power corrupts and that once elected into a broken system it’s only a matter of time before hope and idealism die and more self-serving human traits take over.
But not every person seeking office has a dead black heart and a cold empty soul.
Everybody can’t be evil.
A famous American politician once said “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
But a less famous politician running for the Virginia Senate wants to amend that list to include fear itself AND… chubby white guys dressed as the Hamburglar, who will apparently break into your house to eat cheese doodles on your couch and read the newspaper before stealing your 1987 hi-fidelity stereo system.
If you are smart enough to read between the ridiculous lines, this season’s onslaught of overwrought, hype-tastic campaign ads can seem genuinely hilarious.
But if you’re like me, you’ll stop laughing as soon as you realize that not everybody gets the joke.
Sincerely,
DJ CrankyPete
Five Song Friday 083
“170” - Anna Erhard
I’m super confused by the numbers in this song and can’t really tell if she is talking about height or weight or whatever. Meters? Then she says “five foot seventy.” What is happening? I was never really good at math and if we’re talking metric system, I’m out completely. But if you ignore the confusing math, this is a damn fine song.
“Ain’t Got No Money” - Justin Townes Earle
This is not a fancy song and delivers what it promises. He ain’t got no money honey. RIP Justin Townes Earle.
“The People Say’” - Steve Mason
If you miss The Beta Band, you can ease that empty spot in your soul with the Steve Mason solo catalog. I recommend a long, deep dive with headphones.
“Freelance Bubblehead” - 1000 Clowns
It should be pretty clear by now that I’m a fan of dumb, fun rap. If you enjoy this too, here’s a sloppy nugget that leaves a pleasantly goofy Beastie Boys aftertaste. If your musical preference doesn’t include songs with white boy beatboxing and lyrics that rhyme “la la” with “ha ha” and “juice” and “loose”? You will continue to be disappointed.
“Discoball World” - David Garza
You ever have a song that just kind of “washes up on shore” like a message in a bottle? You don’t where it came from or how it got to you, but it gets its claws in you and you feel like you were destined to be together? This is one of those songs for me. It showed up in the late 1990s and then disappeared for a decade or so before the magical randomness of Spotify put it back in my rotation.
“When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest.” — Henry David Thoreau