Five Song Friday: Mum Rush the Show
This Week: Limo Chasing, Slap Fighting and Toddler Mobs
The last time I saw the Queen, she was panhandling at the 7-Eleven.
“Got a dollar?” she asked.
Great. All I wanted to do was grab a quick breakfast (Robert Irvine’s Fit Crunch Whey Protein Bar and a Monster Energy Ultra Sunrise), but now I have to teach a course in World History.
I said, “Get it together lady. You’re the longest reigning British monarch in history and your family is super rich. If you need money, just sell a painting or earrings or whatever.”
“Pound?” she asked.
I shook my head and raised my fist.
“Lady, if you don’t buzz off, I got a pound for you right here,” I said.
Clearly I was kidding. I would never hit a lady… especially a lady in her nineties who co-starred with O.J. Simpson and Ricardo Montalban in The Naked Gun!
But you know who couldn’t take a joke? Those four dudes in red jackets and big bushy black hats. They beat me senseless in the parking lot.
When they were done, they let the Queen steal my Robert Irvine’s Fit Crunch Whey Protein Bar and Monster Energy Ultra Sunrise.
Just before I blacked out, I saw her flip me the bird from inside her horse-drawn carriage as it clopped out of the 7-Eleven parking lot.
Nice, huh?
So you’ll excuse me if I’m not exactly grieving right now.
Sincerely,
DJ CrankyPete
Five Song Friday 029
“The Fanatic” - Felony
I’m not sure why this new wave gem didn’t get more respect and airplay back in the day. The 1983 single from Los Angeles-based Felony was a hit on local radio, made it to number 42 on the Billboard chart and even earned the boys a gig on American Bandstand.
Maybe the American people just weren’t ready for a pop song about a guy who un-ironically loves movies, music and TV so much that spends his days innocently chasing limousines.
I bet they would have liked it more if the guy was a serial killer who caught up with the limos, slaughtered the famous people and made jumpsuits out of their skin.
Yeah, probably. The American people love them some murder!
“Cherry” - Chair Model
You want to dance? You want some light sexual innuendo? Do you like stone fruit? This Oklahoma City pop trio has you covered.
“Disco Grande” - Fingathing
Do yourself a favor and dig deeper into Fingathing. Maybe it’s not your jam, but there’s something about the songs of a classically trained double bassist named Sneaky and a turntable fiend named DJ Peter Parker that warrant at least a taste.
You can’t know you don’t like something unless you try it.
Unless we’re talking about haggis.
“Ya Ya Ya” - You Won’t
Josh Arnoudse and Raky Sastri met as fencing partners in a high school play.
They were kickboxing rivals in college and had a longstanding Tuesday night arm-wrestling match at the Buckman Tavern. After graduation, they faced each other often in the underground fight clubs of Lexington, Massachusetts.
At one point, they looked at each other and said, “What are we doing? This is ridiculous. We shouldn’t be rivals. We should be partners. We should make music together. Sweet, sweet music.”
So they did. But they still make time for slap-fighting on the weekends.
“Lucky One” - Phillip Roebuck
Virginia musician Phillip Roebuck sounds like an old musical soul. His songs are full of raw energy: lots of stomping, slapping, strumming, thumping and jingle-jangle.
On stage, he can work himself into a frenzy so much that you want to say, hey man, take it easy. That guitar didn’t do anything to you. Maybe slow down and take a breath before you have an aneurysm. Seriously. There are kids here. You’re scaring them.
But then, the next thing you know, the kids are super into it. They get carried away by Roebuck’s energy and heart and they get so wound up that the only thing they can do is start trashing the place. Throwing chairs and breaking glass like a mob of wild monkeys.
You know this is going to cost you thousands in property damage. The mirror behind the bar? That’s at least two grand. But you just laugh and keep enjoying the show. Oh well. What are you going to do? Cry about it?
You’re the dumbass who brought toddlers to a nightclub.
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That’s all for now. Thanks for reading!
“Virtually every writer I know would rather be a musician.” - Kurt Vonnegut