Five Song Friday: My Drug Problem
This Week: Buried Treasure, Exploding Heads and Old School Jimmy Jams
I have a serious drug problem, but it’s not my fault.
Go ahead and roll your eyes.
That’s what all addicts say, I know.
But I’m telling the truth. I SWEAR.
Other people MAKE me take drugs. They tell me it’s for my own good.
“You want to feel amazing? Take these pills. Inhale this powder. Stick this needle in your arm.”
That’s what they say and I believe them because they have white coats and stethoscopes. They sound sincere. They have kind eyes.
And it’s always a soft sell.
“Maybe we could try this drug for a while and see if you like it.”
“I’m going to start you on a low dose and we can build it gradually.”
“Side effects include night terrors and chills, but if you get scared just call me. I’ll come over and be the big spoon for a night. I got you boo.”
They make it hard to resist. So I keep saying YES.
Give me drug. Me love medicine.
Now I own a pill organizer and I have 15 minutes on my calendar every morning set aside for SWALLOWING.
Do these drugs help? I guess so. I don’t know how to tell anymore.
I ingest so many it’s hard to assign credit or blame.
It reminds me of that unfortunate morning in New Orleans long ago when the Ramada housekeeping staff asked why all of my bed linens and pillows were in the bathtub and how come I blocked off the area with crime scene tape.
Was it the oysters and the whisky? The cigars and the red wine? Or the two beers and the milkshake and that one menthol cigarette?
Some mysteries were never meant to be solved.
That’s how I feel about my daily drug habit.
I keep popping these pills and assuming they are doing good things for me.
People on television look happier on drugs, so of course I want to be part of that crowd.
Who doesn’t want to ride bikes and hike and play blues music in a garage and just live life the way it oughta be lived? Dancing in the streets? Sign me up!
Outdoor cafes! Carnivals! Kites! And the laughing and smiling? So much GODDAMN laughing and smiling! Drugs are where it’s AT!
Which brings me to my REAL drug problem.
Which has nothing to do with a crippling dependence on substances.
Because I am NOT powerless and my life has NOT become unmanageable.
Even though I do a LOT of drugs, I can stop any time.
I know this because I stop all the time.
Because apparently, my doctors, my insurance company and my pharmacy don’t like talking to each other.
Instead of pressing the button and getting my pills, I get… nothing.
Excuse me, Walgreens app? What do you mean “there is a problem with my prescription”?
All I want is a refill. I want my sweet, sweet fix.
Me want drug.
But now I have to play phone tag? Get passed around like a human hacky sack to people who tell me that I need to call OTHER people?
If you say “prior authorization” one more time, I swear I’m just going to stop taking drugs altogether.
You can tell Pfizer, Merck, Roche and both Johnsons that I am not kidding.
I’ll go clean.
I’ll take my 7-day pill organizer and go home.
Who’ll be laughing then?
Me.
Me and that guy on TV who can wear short sleeves at supermarket again because he no longer has moderate to severe eczema.
Think I’m bluffing? I can stop any time.
Of course, there’s the chance if I do that I might die.
And then those companies will have to live with that guilt… forever.
Hey Big Pharma! Good luck getting to sleep at night knowing that you KILLED a man!
Sincerely,
DJ CrankyPete
Five Song Friday 066
“Designer Genes” - Amoebas in Chaos
Few things give me as much pleasure as finding buried musical treasure. Especially because I’m exceptionally lazy and it helps when those musical treasures just happen to fall upon the path on which I am walking. I don’t have the stamina to go crate digging in record store basements or the time to go exploring in vast online indie musical wildernesses like SoundCloud or Bandcamp. So when I trip over a quirky, 90-second pop-punk pearl from 1981 on my daily rabbit-hole rounds in Spotify, I feel blessed and giddy and compelled to share.
“Headache” - Frank Black
Do you remember when headaches were all the rage? There used to be so many commercials of men and women with scrunched up faces rubbing their temples in agony. Traffic jams. Babies crying. Bosses yelling. Thank God for medicine! If it wasn’t for medicine, these poor people’s heads might have exploded. What a sight that would have been! I would have loved to have seen the face of that angry boss with brains all over it. Are you happy now? How do you like those quarterly numbers now? And as for you, crying baby… now you really have something to cry about. Your poor mother is now just a headless corpse in a business casual pantsuit.
“Multi-Family Garage Sale” - YACHT
This is what happens when a contemporary Portland pop band covers a smooth-as-HAIL electronic samples jam from a Boston musician known as Land of the Loops. In case you were wondering.
“Rakin’ In the Dough” - Zhigge
I don’t know if the kids call money “dough” anymore, but they sure did back in 1992. Unfortunately, I don’t think Zhigge raked in much with their one-and-done debut album. After this, the New York group were “Audi 5000.” But at least they left us with catchy old school jimmy jams like this one. Call it a lost classic. Call it a forgotten indie hip-hop gem. Just don’t call me when this FINALLY ends up in a Domino’s Pizza or Cinnabon jingle, because I will be sad and unavailable for comment.
“Cut the White” - Palm Palm
Palm Palm is from Richmond, Virginia. I lived for a long time in that city and it was a really great place for music. The way I remember, we were always waiting and wanting and wishing to become the next Seattle or Austin or whatever. Richmond was always pacing nervously on the sidelines, praying for the hipster gods to stroll down from the mountain and pass down the crown. In my time, Richmond was a city that existed on the perpetual verge of breaking big, breaking bad or breaking two: electric boogaloo. That one big moment never really came, but it turns out the city never really needed it. Hitting the jackpot is for suckers. Slow and steady wins the race. I’ve been gone for a bit, but Palm Palm are proof that the kids are alright.
Listen on Spotify
Listen on YouTube Music
That’s all for now!
“I want a new drug, one that does what it should.” - Huey Lewis