Five Song Friday: Our Mental Problem
This Week: Boneless Weebles, Team Flags and Easy Optimism
I have some bad news about your brain.
Nobody knows how it works or why it does the things it does or why it says those mean things to you very late at night.
The squishy computer inside our skull is an impossible puzzle that will not be solved before you die.
Your only hope for peace is to embrace the mystery.
Wrap yourself like a burrito in the fuzzy blanket of unknowing and enjoy the ride.
Do we know SOME stuff about how the brain works? Yes, of course.
Neuroscientists can name all the areas and what happens when you poke things or take certain sections out. You can read all about circuits and chemistry and stuff.
But if you dig too deep, ask too many questions, these really smart people get a sad look on their face.
Ultimately, they are forced to cough up a phrase that feels like a hairball from the very depths of their being: “We don’t know.”
WE don’t know.
Not, “I don’t know,” as in, “I haven’t studied that yet” or “I am currently working on understanding that issue.”
WE DON’T KNOW, as in “no human being ever in history has come up with the answer.”
Yikes.
You guys, this is basically our operating system and our hard drive and the thing that makes us better than raccoons and seahorses!
But our operating manual is incomplete.
There are whole chapters left blank, with some pages that just have a picture of an old white guy shrugging.
If this is the case, if humans don’t really understand humans, why do we go around acting as if we have it all figured out?
There are a million books on dream interpretation, but nobody knows WHY we dream (or even sleep) in the first place!
Companies make trillions on self-help books, therapy and drugs, but we don’t even know what consciousness is or how the brain actually solves problems.
We don’t know how many neurons are in the brain or how they communicate.
We don’t know where creativity happens in the brain.
We don’t know why we can remember lines from that one episode of Seinfeld but not the day our children were born.
Why do we love it so much when we put googly eyes and tiny wigs on pieces of fruit?
And why is it weird to try and ride other people’s dogs at the park?
How come wearing pants is only for legs?
Why do mirrors make us angry?
We don’t know why, when people say “we should totally get together sometime,” we say yes when we absolutely mean no.
Sure, we can feel great about ourselves for figuring out things like sandwiches and sign language, but once you start pulling the thread on the sweater of “Total and Complete Knowledge,” it becomes clear that we don’t shit about fuck.
Why are babies afraid of whales?
Why do we cry at weddings and laugh at funerals?
What is Bradley Cooper made of?
Is it true that our brains live on for days after our bodies die?
Science hasn’t found the answers.
And I’m starting to think we should all stop looking for them.
Five Song Friday 109
“Monkey to Man” - Goldkimono
Here’s the argument that Goldkimono lays out: we evolved too fast. One minute we’re swinging from the trees and the next we’re spending a third of every day behind a desk. He believes this is bad. My spine and neck would agree with him. On our current path, humans are set to evolve into boneless Weebles with enormous eyes and walnut brains. Swinging from anything will be out of the question, but at least we’ll come out of the womb preloaded with the latest version of iOS and free iTunes for life.
“Don’t Tread on Me” - XYZ
Hey man, that yellow rattlesnake flag you planted on your monster truck? It was first flown in 1775 as a symbol of the unity of the original 13 colonies. It was a venomous middle finger to the British and anyone who would deny Americans the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happy meals. It was a TEAM flag, man. The UNITED States, dude. When you use it like a “I am a unique and special snowflake” flag, that is incorrect. It’s not a MY SIDE flag. It’s not a ME flag, man. It’s an US flag.
“Don’t Change” - Donavon Frankenreiter
This song touches me in the soft parts of my soul. Even as a stripped down cover, it strums the strings of my nostalgic heart and reminds me of a simpler time when all things were possible and optimism came easy. That is all.
“Gold In My Dome” - Mother Marygold
The last time I did this song at karaoke, nobody clapped. Maybe I was too intense in my delivery. Jumping on the table was out of line. And looking back, my Magic Mike tear-away jumpsuit was likely confusing for the smaller children. But then again, my face paint game was on point and that night was probably the best windmill-to-jackhammer-to-turtle combination I’ve ever pulled off, so the fact that there was literally ZERO applause feels personal.
“Showtime” - Katalyst
I envy those who can make magic with two turntables and a microphone. If I had three wishes? One would be for a turntable. Two would be for another turntable. And three would either be for a microphone or super strength or like a billion dollars.
“When I die, they’ll say: ‘He couldn’t play shit, but he sure made it sound good.’” - Hound Dog Taylor (Born April 12, 1915)
Thanks for reading!
Sincerely,
DJ CrankyPete