Five Song Friday: The Age of Dumb Scrolling
This Week: Noggin Lopping, Lower Cases and the Egyptian Undead
Yes, social media is just junk food for my eyeballs.
A bottomless bag that leaves me unsatisfied and covered in crumbs.
My timelines are full of empty calories that bloat my brain and flood my system with a cocktail of adrenaline, dopamine, bile and high fructose corn syrup.
I’m probably addicted and making it harder to quit every time I click, like or linger too long on post.
But that’s my problem.
I’m not here to preach against the psychological poisons of Tik-Tok, Facebook, X and Instagram. I’m not going to say that Threads, Mastodon and BeReal are the devil’s playground.
Sounding the alarm on the worldwide selfie-meme industrial complex has become as hacky as stand-up jokes about airline food and Millennials.
Your relationship with social media is none of my business.
We all dance to our own algorithms.
Mine just happen to be exceptionally dull.
And they’re getting duller every day.
I know this because I recently performed an informal audit.
I wanted to understand exactly what I was mindlessly consuming and distractedly doom-scrolling. So I jotted down what was in my feeds.
Looking at the result was like flipping on the lights to reveal that the “delicious snacks” I’ve been munching on for years is actually a big old bowl full of dryer lint, used Band-Aids, banana peels and assorted human teeth.
(All things that are neither delicious, nor traditionally considered snacks.)
Am I surprised? Not really.
These days my Facebook feed feels more like the Sunday paper… if someone removed everything EXCEPT the coupons, obituaries and advertorial inserts before dropping it on my front porch.
And maybe that brings me closer to the last straw with social media.
Maybe I was okay with the mental manipulation and data mining. I could deal with the cookies and the creepy way that digital ads for things would show up only seconds after they came up in real-world conversation.
But now that social media has become BORING, I’m ready to pull the cord for the next stop.
I’m not saying it’s going to be easy to quit, but these companies are doing a great job of making it LESS HARD.
Let’s take a quick look, shall we?
Here is a “live” report of my Facebook timeline at this writing…
Here is some NOSTALGIA! A picture of an old beach motel. Remember this place? No, I do not.
Here is an AD for a thing that I’ve already purchased! I’m good, thanks!
Here is a MEME! A picture of a celebrity with an expression meant to represent what my face looks like when I do this thing! Get it?
Here is a PICTURE! An old album cover from the 1980s! Remember this great album? No, I do not.
Here is an AD! For a Broadway musical about corn that I will never attend because I do NOT enjoy people singing on stage (though I am a fan of corn). Pass!
Here is a MEME! It’s mildly amusing! And that’s being generous!
Here is an AD! For a hip-hop concert featuring artists with names that frankly, sound made up. I send my regrets.
Here is a PICTURE! Remember this old science-fiction movie poster? No, I do not.
Here is an AD! For “the softest sweatshirt you will ever wear” in teal green. Teal is gross. Hard pass!
Here is an AD! For ironic retro t-shirts featuring Sesame Street! No thank you.
Here is a “NEWS” STORY! About an ELO cover band playing soon! Are you KIDDING me with this?
Here is an AD! For a magazine I already subscribe to! Keep up the great work dummies!
Here is an ANNOUNCEMENT! A place I NEVER visit will be opening late today! Thanks for the heads up?
It goes on ad nauseam.
I’ll continue to go along with it until my disinterest outweighs my boredom. Scrolling reluctantly through long stretches of irrelevant nonsense like a kid pushing vegetables around his plate.
It’s hard to believe there was a time when we all thought social media was the brilliant, bright shiny thing that was either going to save the world or destroy it.
Turns out it’s just as stupid and pointless as everything else.
Sincerely,
DJ CrankyPete
Five Song Friday 081
“Guillotine” - Mansionair, NoMBe
France was really good at cutting off heads. The guillotine (aka “The National Razor”) was developed in 1789 by Dr. Joseph-Ignace Guillotin and a French doctor as a “more humane” method of execution. The prototype was built by a German harpsichord maker and kicked off a spectacular run of noggin-lopping that lasted for 189 years. The last beheading was in 1977, long before any of the Australian three members of Mansionair were even a glimmer in the eyes of their parents.
“Constant Inconsistencies” - deep tan
The London trio deep tan doesn’t care much for capitalization. I respect that.
“So It Goes’” - Nick Lowe
What’s the point of trying to write something clever about this guy when his website bio nails it? Nicklowe.com describes Nick Lowe as the “songwriter of at least three songs you know by heart, short-lived career as a pop star, and a lengthy term as a musicians’ musician. But in his current ‘second act’ as a silver-haired, tender-hearted but sharp-tongued singer-songwriter, he has no equal.”
“Push” - Pharoahe Monch
Not everybody can pull off dressing like a mummy on their album cover. And maybe having a name like “Pharoahe” makes the idea a little too on-the-nose, but likely if he dressed up like Frankenstein or the Wolfman, people would tell him he missed a golden opportunity and should have gone with the “whole Egyptian undead thing.”
“Cherry” - J.J. Cale
J.J. Cale was a highly influential musician who helped to shape the sound of American music in the late 20th century. He wrote some of the most enduring songs of the era, including “After Midnight” and “Cocaine.” If you’re one of those people who consider Eric Clapton to be God, then Cale is the God behind the God.
“Most people die with their music still locked up inside them.” - Benjamin Disraeli