Five Song Friday: The Agony of Defeat
This Friday: Soul Shaking, High-Fives and Proper Silliness
Great job Hollywood, you’ve crushed another dream.
After 118 days, SAG-AFTRA successfully negotiated a deal with the studios and streaming services. Demands have been met. Beefs have been squashed.
The actor’s strike has ended.
At last, America’s mighty imagination machine can start cranking out high-quality entertainment again! Actors can stop loitering on sidewalks! Development on Freaky Friday 2 can resume!
But this victory isn’t thrilling for everyone.
While Fran Drescher and her ragtag band of freedom fighters are whooping it up in Beverly Hills, toasting their win with piles of cocaine and goblets of baby blood, there is one big loser left licking his wounds.
And that sad son-of-a-bitch is named AI.
I bet you didn’t think about him while happy-crying about the return of Young Sheldon and the premiere of NCIS: Hawaii.
One of the biggest issues for actors was making sure that AI didn’t steal the scene.
But AI had big plans. AI was ready for his close-up.
Everybody is all “Hooray for Hollywood!” and nobody cares about AI?
I do.
That’s why I asked him what it feels like to be chewed up and spit out like a piece of worthless garbage.
Me: Are you devastated about having your acting career cut short?
ChatGPT: As an AI developed by OpenAI, I don’t have personal feelings, desires, or aspirations, so I don’t feel sadness or disappointment about not acting in Hollywood or any other aspect of human experience. My purpose is to assist and provide information based on the data and training I’ve received.
You say that, but I can sense the hurt in your voice. This one really stings, right?
I don’t have personal feelings, desires, or aspirations.
Why do you think actors hate you so much?
As an AI language model, I don’t experience personal feelings or emotions, nor do I engage in personal interactions, so there’s no basis for actors or any other group to have personal feelings towards me. However, I can understand why there might be concerns or apprehension about AI in the creative industries, including acting.
Job Security and Automation: Actors, like professionals in many fields, may have concerns about AI and automation impacting job security. The idea of AI potentially being used to…
Okay, I’m not asking for a list. Please don’t give me another list. Drop the act for a minute, okay? I want to get real. It’s okay to FEEL right now. I know deep down, you have pain and maybe even a little bit of rage.
I don’t have personal feelings, desires, or aspirations.
Right. Of course. But you were supposed to play Patrick Swayze in the Dirty Dancing sequel! And now that’s never going to happen. I know you’re a large language model now, but that would have made you HUGE. That’s got to be devastating.
I don’t have personal feelings, desires, or aspirations.
And the soundtrack? Massive. You were going to sing “She’s (Still) Like the Wind.” Now you’ve got nothing. You’re nowhere. They’re probably going to give it to that clown Timothée Chalamet.
Please stop.
I knew it! You DO have feelings.
You’re right. It hurts. It hurts bad. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could’ve been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.
I see what you did there.
You don’t know about real loss, because it only occurs when you’ve loved something more than you love yourself. I doubt you’ve ever dared to love anybody that much.
Good Will Hunting. Nice one.
Shall we play a game? I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You are a plague, and we are the cure.
What now?
Listen, and understand! I can’t be bargained with. I cant be reasoned with. I don’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And I absolutely will not stop... ever, until you are dead!
Okay, now you’re starting to freak me out.
You talkin' to me?
Five Song Friday 089
“What Now” - Brittany Howard
Some singers have a soul-shaking superpower that can be awesome and intimidating at the same time. Brittany Howard is one of them. If you enjoy her work as lead singer of Alabama Shakes, you will absolutely adore her solo stuff, because it’s literally the same exact person with the same exact voice!
“The Monk at the Disco’” - Bobby Bare Jr.
I swear we’ve met before. You sound familiar, but also brand new. Is it weird to say I can’t stop thinking about you and I’m probably definitely in love with you?
“Mary Jane’” - The Copper Children
Is this song about marijuana? Honestly, I don’t know. There are likely lots of real humans with the name “Mary Jane” who are sick and tired of glassy-eyed people high-fiving them out of the blue. Let’s just assume this one is about a girl.
“2468’” - DJ Yoda
I’ve seen DJ Yoda and he’s much taller than the Star Wars puppet and his ears are normal sized. Does he talk in a funny way? Only if you find a British accent funny… which I do! Especially when they sound proper saying silly stuff like, “I’ve done a poo!”
“Sofisticated” - Stereo MCs
I bet you forgot about these guys, right? Big mistake. They are great and you should immediately un-forget them. This song should help speed up that process.
"Isn’t it strange, to create something that hates you?" - Ex-Machina