Five Song Friday: The Bliss of Ignorance
This Week: Punk Electronics, Faulty Pumps and Old Timey Isolation
I know a phrase that can make anybody seem smarter.
It’s easy to remember, but people have a hard time saying it.
I avoided the phrase for years, until my wife suggested that these three words are MUCH better than just making stuff up.
She asked me pretty-please-with-sugar-on-top if I could start using the phrase immediately. And because I love her, I said yes, of course darling.
She was right.
It’s SO much easier to say three short words instead of improvising a flop-sweat monologue using random facts that I kind of overheard on NPR or CNN.
What’s the phrase?
I DON’T KNOW.
That’s it.
Just say those words and you sound smarter, like, immediately!
What’s the deal with that Chinese spy balloon?
I DON’T KNOW.
So how does this ChatGPT thing work?
I DON’T KNOW.
Can I wear those boots with these pants?
I DON’T KNOW.
Yes, it sounds counter-intuitive.
How does admitting you DON’T know make you appear MORE intelligent?
Because it shows that you aren’t so desperate and insecure that you need to fill the air with bullshit word salad to seem superior. It shows that you’ve made peace with your inner dummy.
It shows that you’ve embraced the idea of having absolutely no idea.
What do you think is on Hunter Biden’s laptop?
I DON’T KNOW.
Do you think Leonardo DiCaprio should date women his own age?
I DON’T KNOW.
Can you pick me up from the airport?
I DON’T KNOW.
Try it! You’ll be amazed how great it feels to politely ask your ego to STFU.
I’ve found it liberating not pretending I know everything.
For instance, I’m a pretty good armchair Jeopardy! contestant. But if I’m on a roll, I get cocky. And when I get cocky, I shout answers at the TV.
This works great when I’m right because it makes me appear strong and confident. My family applauds. I feel nigh invincible.
Until I don’t know the answer.
“He was the 13th president of the U.S. and the last President that was neither Democratic or Republican parties.”
My brain immediately says, “No idea.”
But my EGO says, “Let me yell the name of some random former President, because it’s possible I could guess correctly, which will maintain the illusion that I’m a smart, smart man!”
I yell “VAN BUREN” and the answer is Millard Fillmore.
All the genius air leaves my balloon. My wife and daughter shake their heads and carry their dinners into the other room. Even the dogs look disappointed.
What I should have said was, I DON’T KNOW.
More people need to understand that it’s OKAY to not know things. We live on a big, complicated world floating inside of an infinite universe.
Nobody expects you to be an expert on Florida politics if you live in Virginia.
It’s not “admitting defeat” to pay someone to fix the sink disposal.
And as much as you think that one YouTube video helped you “figure out” the Middle East, the best way to help everybody right now is with respectful silence.
It’s okay to talk about what you know. There’s nothing sexier than genuine expertise.
But the world is full of swaggering fools who need to make noise with their mouths.
The internet is full of fake experts who mistake opinions for facts.
That’s why I’m going to stick to what I know.
Beyond that? I’m opting out of weighing in. Resigning from opining.
Can I keep it up? Am I too old and self-centered to muzzle my ego?
I DON’T KNOW.
But it’s worth a try.
Sincerely,
DJ CrankyPete
Five Song Friday 051
“Tuning In” - Teen Mortgage
Punk rock and television are old buddies. Remember “TV Party” by Black Flag? Or that time that Wendy O. Williams drove a school bus through a giant wall of TV sets? Old punk rockers liked to pretend that they were too cool for television. But these days, everybody on TV is punk as hell. Have you ever watched the Food Network? There are so many weirdos, wacky haircuts and tattoos, it looks like CBGB in 1975 with food trucks and sauté pans.
“Super America” - Bad Bad Hats
Kerry Alexander sings that she wants “sweet tea and a heart that won’t break.” The drink is easy. You can find that stuff anywhere. But the “heart that won’t break” is going to be a problem. Your heart is a muscle that will beat about 2.5 billion times during your lifetime. 100,000 times today and another 100,000 tomorrow!
Poor sucker can’t keep that pace forever. Hearts break all the time. Some even catch fire and explode right out of your chest. It’s true, hearts are basically the Teslas of internal organs. Ask your doctor if you don’t believe me.
“Lovezone” - Rome Fortune
Rome Fortune is related to Cannonball Adderley, a famous jazz saxophonist and the inventor of jumping into pools while tucking your knees in close to your chest. Ask your doctor if you don’t believe me.
“Beelzebub” - Black Pistol Fire
I love a good Satan song. Not because I love the Devil, I actually hate that dude. But nothing is more rock-and-roll than invoking the name of the Beast. Just don’t say his name three times into a bathroom mirror with the lights off. Nothing good can come of that. Ask your doctor if you don’t believe me.
“Time Travel Is Lonely” - John Vanderslice
This song makes a solid point. Time travel IS lonely. Think about it, you get transported from the present day into the past and everything is different. Nobody has a smart phone. Everybody smokes. And when you want to chat about the latest episode of The Last of Us, nobody knows what you’re talking about. All they care about is stuff that already happened. No thanks!
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That’s all for now. Thanks for reading!
“I would rather write 10,000 notes than a single letter of the alphabet.” ― Beethoven