Five Song Friday: The Closing Number
This Week: Middle School Dropout, Nordic Noir and Second String No More
I think a lot about the last song I’ll ever hear.
I wonder what melody will tickle my brain right before the lights go out.
What verse-chorus-verse will slide into the home plate of my earhole before the door between being and nothing slams shut?
Will I get to choose? Or will it just be something random that’s playing on the radio when the BIG BAD THING finally happens?
That last tune could be anything.
It could be a commercial jingle or a TV theme song.
What if it’s one of those window-rattling rap songs where the guy is yelling about dumb Bs and how much he wants to F up some MF who’s been talking S?
Oh my god, what if it’s just a bird tweeting like an idiot? Or jazz?
The last song I hear could be something I’ve never heard before or a track I’ve listened to a million times. It could be my favorite or it could be the WORST.
It could be a song with profound lyrics or there could be no words at all. My time on Earth could end during the sax solo from “Careless Whisper.”
Anything is possible.
Does it matter what that last song will be? Not really. I’ll be gone before it can register.
If I’m lucky, my brain will hold two simultaneous thoughts for one fraction of a second (i.e. “Goodbye and love to all!” and “Is that Foghat?”) and then… nothing.
Blackness. Void. Silence.
But there’s still a morbid and curious section of my brain that can’t seem to quit contemplating it. And that’s inherently unhealthy, because as often as I think those thoughts, I never convert them into action.
If it’s such a big deal to me, I should have one song always ready to go.
I should be prepared. Maybe find a way to keep it cocked and loaded on the front page of my iPhone with a big button that says, “In Case of Emergency: PRESS PLAY.”
Of course, that’s assuming I’m going out in some kind of slow motion disaster that gives me enough time to cue up my own exit music.
That plan is solid, so long as I go down in a commercial airline or drive off a cliff in a 1966 Ford Thunderbird convertible.
If I fall into an open manhole, get a piano dropped on my head or get bum-rushed by a mountain lion? Then I’m out of luck.
And having one song at-the-ready doesn’t help me at all if I die slowly in bed.
Death by disease or natural causes could take months or years. There’s also no guarantee I won’t slip away quietly in my sleep.
That shit happened to Kenny Rogers.
Which is sad because you know that guy would have loved to go out like a BOSS on the last line of his magnum opus: “There’ll be time enough for counting… when the deal is done.”
If I’m going to keep thinking these thoughts, I need to come up with a plan or make peace with the idea that the last thing I hear could be the Gin Blossoms.
I’ve already given plenty of thought to my funeral playlist. I know exactly what I want people to listen to when they come pay their respects.
It’s got a little something for everyone and it’s plenty long (I don’t want all those sad people waiting in long lines to get bored).
I’ve put the time and work in, even though I can’t enjoy it on the big day.
I won’t be there to witness the tears, the head-bobbing and the toe-tapping. I’ll miss it when people Shazam my dope jams and finally concede that the rhythm IS going to get them.
I won’t be there in mind, body or spirit… but I don’t care.
Because the music must go on.
And a last request is a last request.
Do I fear death? Not really.
I’ve made peace with the idea and find a certain joy in the fact that one day, my friends and family will be forced to sit quietly through all 17 minutes of “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.”
Twice.
Thanks for reading!
Enjoy the music and have a great weekend.
Sincerely,
DJ CrankyPete
Five Song Friday 033
“Head Over Heels” - JD McPherson
My man JD McPherson is a former middle school teacher from Oklahoma who loved teaching but hated the bureaucracy of the school system, so he took his stuff and hit the road to pursue his musical dreams.
Sure, some of the students he inspired became disillusioned by his actions. They quit school too. Most traded their lessons and learning for drugs, violence and depravity.
Does JD regret his decision? Well he just finished opening for (and playing lead guitar with) Robert-freaking-Plant and Alison-goldang-Krauss. So what do you think?
Confession: I’m man enough to admit that I was attracted to this song at first because I thought it was a cover of the Go-Gos song. It is not. I’m okay with that.
“Body and Soul” - teddy<3
Explaining Teddy Geiger’s trans journey is dangerous game full of pronoun potholes and gender language lingo that I’m frankly not confident enough to attempt. I’m already scared that I loused something up in that last sentence.
Nobody wants my explanation anyway, so let’s just let her music speak for itself. Teddy comes from a pop music universe where she penned hits for Shawn Mendes and One Direction. Today, as teddy<3, she deals in grown-ass indie dance-pop with a little extra gravel and growl.
Note: Because I’m old I had to look up what “<3” means. According to dictionary.com, it’s “a typographical representation of a heart, used to convey love and similar warm feelings online and often evoking early internet culture.” Fellow old people, you are welcome.
“Binge” - DEADLETTER
Human beings seem to have an insatiable appetite for everything.
Enjoying stuff in moderation is great advice, but that’s just not part of our DNA. If we humans like something, we want ALL of it until there is nothing left.
Alcohol. Drugs. Nordic Noir murder shows.
Especially Nordic Noir murder shows. Why? Because Iceland is amazing and sometimes nothing hits the spot better than 8 straight hours of heavy bearded men chasing each other through bleak, icy hell-scapes.
Yes, I know it’s a school night, but there’s no goddamn way I’m going to bed before I find out who left a mutilated torso bobbing in the harbor.
“Imperial Twist” - No-No Boy, Robert Vifian
I owe No-No Boy an apology.
Dude has been waiting a LONG time in the Five Song Friday queue. I’m not sure why he hasn’t found a spot until now, because this tune is still sounding as sweet as when we first met.
I’m sure it has something to do with me getting hooked on the next new shiny thing and forgetting that sometimes what I’m looking for is waiting for me right where I left it. In this case, at the top of the playlist bullpen, looking back at me with those puppy dog eyes and wondering if this week will be the week.
Those sad eyes say so much: “Will anyone love me? Will I find a home? I have so much love to give! Please give me a chance. Seriously. Most nights I cry myself to sleep. Or put me out of my misery and delete me. Either way, please end this torture. ”
Hey! Lighten up “Imperial Twist,” you made it! Welcome to the party!
“Hitting the Ground” - Gordon Gano, PJ Harvey, Frank Ferrer
You guys know Gordon, right? Lead singer of the Violent Femmes.
Well, it turns out that Mr. Gano has a couple of solo albums under his belt that have been living under a bridge somewhere beyond the grasp of my curious musical tentacles.
A few weeks ago, “Hitting the Ground” washed up onshore with a pile of other “recommended suggested songs” and I’ve been left gobsmacked as to how I’ve missed it all these years. It came out in 2002!
For God’s sake, it’s got PJ Harvey doing most of the heavy lifting and that seems like something SOMEBODY should have told me about a long time ago.
Oh well, I’m here now. And so are you. So let’s just agree to shut up and be thankful for what we’ve got.
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That’s all for now. Thanks for reading!
“Virtually every writer I know would rather be a musician.” - Kurt Vonnegut