Five Song Friday: The Naked Truth
Episode #150: Retro Armageddon, Radical Honesty and Good Songs for Bad Sex
What are you doing in my house and where are your clothes?
This is America.
Yes, but I live here and I don’t know you and please can I get you a towel.
Are you saying you don’t believe in freedom? Liberty? And also freedom?
Nope, not saying that at all. I’m just asking you to please get dressed and leave my house which you have clearly broken into.
Me being here is not a crime. I was born here! I have rights!
Nope. You being here is the definition of a crime. You broke in and now you’re sitting on my leather couch without anything between your chestnuts and the cushion.
You have no evidence that I’ve done anything wrong.
Broken glass. The front door is smashed.
It was like that when I got here. I pushed the door and it shattered. I could have been seriously hurt. You’re lucky that I don’t sue. I’m probably going to sue.
But you don’t belong here. The fact that I don’t know you and you’re in this room without permission… is wrong.
That’s your opinion.
What? No. It’s a fact. It’s the TRUTH.
Now you’re just making up words.
Look, the police will be here any minute. You can walk out or be carried out.
Oh, I get it. Is it because I’m white? I can’t be here because I’m a straight white man?
Your junk is upsetting my kids.
I’m visiting friends.
Those are throw pillows dressed in children’s clothes.
They have names.
What’s that burning smell?
I don’t smell anything.
Did you microwave an unopened can of soup?
I made dinner if that’s what you’re asking.
Can you stop watching The Masked Singer?
What’s that?
It’s right there on the screen. Ken Jeong is dancing to a giant muffin that’s singing “Jump Around” by House of Pain.
Never heard of it. Just because I’m sitting facing the television, I’m automatically “watching” TV?
Yes, that’s how it works. You’re looking directly at it. I can see you mouthing the words.
Oh, you read lips now?
Fine. Have it your way. Get tased and dragged naked out the front door.
You keep saying I’m naked.
Because you are.
Now you sound like a lunatic. Can you not see the very expensive suit I’m wearing? Look at the tailoring in the seat of these pants!
You have pretzels stuck to your butt cheeks.
I can’t wait to tell the cops how mean you’ve been to me.
Please leave my house.
No way! You leave MY house.
I’m not in your house.
That’s your opinion.
You’re delusional.
Just because you say something doesn’t make it so.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Six.
No, this is two. Two fingers.
Pretty sure it’s six.
Okay, well… the police are here. Good luck with everything.
I’ll see you in court!
Five Song Friday #150
“Belle Vie” - Cool Out Sun, N’fa Jones, Sensible J
This is a song for optimists. If you aren’t excited about the present or the future, it may be best to avoid this song. Put on some Nine Inch Nails and a hair shirt instead. But then again, I can’t tell you how to live your life. Do what you want. Listen to what you want. And if you want to put your hands in the air and wave them like you just don’t care? Well then, I don’t care either.
“Cold Reactor” - Everything Everything
This should be the part where I make a funny comment about nuclear energy or cold fusion. The thing is, I don’t know much about it and any joke I make will require me to do extensive Wikipedia research, which will ultimately lead me down a rabbit hole to watching the trailer for the 80s TV movie, The Day After. I’ve already done that once this year and as it turns out, the movie was not as funny as I remembered.
“Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want To Come” - The Wombats
A life of radical honesty would be a life less stressful. I would love to say things like this to people, but I haven’t got the stones. All those quirky TV characters make it seem so easy! But I’m worried about things like “people’s feelings” and “seeming like an asshole.” Which is troublesome, when you’re someone like me who “wants to please everyone.” So maybe I’ll just continue my vow of radical honesty inside my own head or alone with my wife on the car ride home.
“Keep Pushing” - clipping, Daveed Diggs, Jonathan Snipes, William Hutson
You might recognize the name Daveed Diggs as one of the original cast members of Hamilton. Or maybe you don’t. But he is. So take that for whatever it’s worth. Personally, I’ve never seen Hamilton. I was too broke when it first made its first blockbuster run on Broadway and then it got so popular that it made me NOT want to see it. It kept being this big thing and I kept feeling special for standing my ground. At this point, there is no way in hell that it could live up to the expectations of so many years of hype. Also, I really do not enjoy musicals, so there’s that. And I’m still mad at Lin-Manuel Miranda for being rude to me that one time in Wal-Mart.
“Spitting Off the Edge of the World” - Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Perfume Genius
I give full credit and blame to the Apple TV film, The Gorge. Credit, because of the scene where Ana Taylor-Joy and Miles Teller do sex to this song. It reminded me that this song is amazing. Blame? Because I had to watch The Gorge starring Ana Taylor-Joy and Miles Teller.
“They can’t scare me, if I scare them first.” ― Lady Gaga (Born March 28, 1986)
Thanks for reading!
Have fun. Stay safe. Don’t be a jerk.
Sincerely,
DJ CrankyPete