Five Song Friday: The Nature of the Beast
This Week: Drunk Werewolves, Bicycle Art and Volvo Dancing
We’ve been celebrating Earth Day all wrong.
Every year since 1970, we get all excited about the great outdoors and how humanity needs to work together to save the planet.
We clean the beaches, gather in the parks and preach to our children that nature is a fragile flower that desperately needs our help to survive.
But that’s not even a little bit true.
Since this place opened about 4.5 billion years ago, harmony has been the house rule.
Until we showed up.
We’ve thrown everything off balance with our holier-than-thou, hyper-aggressive Homosapien bullshit.
You want to make Earth Day more meaningful?
Start by apologizing to a tree.
Trees have been around for over 300 million years. If dibs are based on seniority, the Earth is THEIR planet.
The closest thing to the first human stumbled onto the scene less than 3 million years ago.
I’m sure when we showed up, the trees were like, “Hello! Welcome! Please enjoy our shade and oxygen!”
We just stared back like a bunch of slack jawed, upright monkeys.
Maybe we tried to eat their bark. At least one of us urinated on them.
The trees may have thought, “Oh well, they’re new. They’ll figure this out.”
But once we discovered fire, the trees were like, “This is not good.”
Fast forward to the age of axes and chainsaws and we’re basically a bunch of serial tree killers who also enslave, exploit and torture them like it’s no big deal.
We hold them hostage in our yards. We plant them in mulch islands in parking lots and medians. We mass murder forests so we can buy flimsy Swedish bookcases named Billy.
During the holidays we decorate their corpses with blinking lights and gaudy balls.
We do the kind of stuff that cops on Dateline call “PURE EVIL.”
This Earth Day, before you pull a muscle trying to plant a tree and pat yourself on the back at the same time, I suggest you think long and hard about what we’ve done.
I’m not going to go so far as to suggest you hug the tree.
I want you to save that for the bears.
Of course, we also owe bears an apology.
If we’re not disparaging them onscreen as cocaine fiends and marmalade addicts, we’re profiling them in the wild as bloodthirsty predators.
Sure, they’ve been known to kill innocent hikers, but who can blame them?
Hikers can be super annoying and most of the hats they wear are dumb.
Our first instinct with bears is fear. We give each other wild bear advice like, “If it’s brown, lie down. If it’s black, fight back.”
But why not just be decent and say hello? Ask how their day is going. Compliment their fur. A smile costs nothing but gives so much.
And yes, I’m a big advocate of bear hugs.
Approach slowly, open your arms wide and let the moment happen.
Might you be mauled like an old-timey Leo DiCaprio? It’s possible.
But you could also be welcomed into the bosom of a majestic and noble creature for a moment of intimate sincerity.
I’m absolutely convinced that it’s worth a try. (Note: Do NOT try this under any circumstances)
Making things right with the trees and the bears is a good start, but we’ve got a long way to go.
I don’t want to bring religion, philosophy or hard science into this, but the root of the problem is that most of us think that man and nature are on opposite sides.
The reality is that there are no sides.
The concept of “man versus nature” makes about as much sense as punching ourselves in the face.
There’s a Native American proverb that says, “No tree has branches so foolish as to fight amongst themselves.”
If you really want to make the planet a better place, how about we all stop acting like a bunch of foolish branches?
Let’s set aside our ugly urges to attack, dominate and win.
Let’s stop living with the belief that everything in the natural world is your enemy.
Nature is us. We are nature.
Every plant and creature deserves love and respect.
Except for the bushy-tailed bastard who has somehow figured out how to crack my “squirrel-proof” bird feeder.
He’s an asshole and I want him dead.
Sincerely,
DJ CrankyPete
Five Song Friday 061
“Too Late” - The Happy Fits
A solid indie pop song can do wonders for the soul. It can lift you up when you’re feeling blue. It can get you moving when you’re sluggish and slow. But one thing it cannot do is clear up eczema. You’ll need to speak with your doctor about Dupixent to deal with that.
“Lady Don’t Tek No” - Latryx
This song is about a woman who don’t take no mess. She don’t take no back talk. And even if you ask really nicely, she don’t take nobody to the airport. It’s just who she is.
“Ten Letter Word” - Heymoonshaker
This song sounds like it’s sung by a werewolf who’s maybe a little drunk and a tad angry. Or maybe just a hairy guy who’s mad at his guitar strings? It’s definitely aggressive and short and for some reason makes me want to dance like Kevin Bacon in an abandoned farm building.
“hey rose” - Son Little
Full disclosure: The only reason I picked this song is because of the bicycle art and the lower case letters. I hope you can find your own reasons to enjoy it.
“Up All Night” - SAULT
This is a swell song with a beat you can boogie to and lyrics about tapping on your tambourine and “dancing in the Rover and racing in the Volvo.” I hesitate to tell you exactly when or how you should listen to it, because it’s your life. You do you. But if you need me, I'll be at my stand-up desk doing an improvised dance routine with my brand new set of dance scarves.
Listen on Spotify
Listen on YouTube Music
That’s all for now. Thanks for reading!
“I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means ‘put down’.” - Bob Newhart