Five Song Friday: The Show Must Go On
This Week: De La Love, Hitler Rap and New Car Smells
I fear that movie theaters are not long for this world.
You’ve probably heard about the financial struggles and the narrative that the one-two punch of COVID and streaming have knocked big screen chains down for the count.
But the death of the American multiplex is about more than dollars and sense. This is about more than concession margins and asses in seats.
While we weren’t looking, someone came and sucked out the soul.
I’ve been out to the movies at least a dozen times since the pandemic and something is off. The crowds are gone. The energy is low. The spark has sputtered out.
The mighty movie theater was once the all-powerful king of entertainment. The reigning champion of “what to do when you leave the house at night.”
Now the poor bastard has been lobotomized, stripped down to his skivvies and left for dead on the side of the road.
The end feels nigh.
Which sucks, because I’m really going to miss sitting alone in the dark.
I’m going to miss sitting with my wife in the dark.
I’m even going to miss sitting behind that couple who laugh way too hard at that M&M’s commercial.
The movie theater has been a sacred place for me as far back as I can remember.
And for some reason, all of my cinematic memories are in HD with THX Dolby sound. Fully restored celluloid reels that project in my mind as vivid as the day that kid in the ill-fitting vest tore my ticket.
I can’t recall what I did two weekends ago, but I can still smell the butter and musty carpet of the crappy Long Island multiplex where I first saw Star Wars.
The looks on people’s faces as we collectively stumbled out of an afternoon showing of Platoon? Still right there on my mental desktop.
I can even clearly hear the primal sound that came from inside me after laughing all the oxygen out of my body during the Huggies heist scene in Raising Arizona.
I blame my moviegoing obsession on my father. His love for movies was contagious.
He was the kind of dad who would invent a dentist appointment to get me out of school early so we could go see Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom on opening day.
Maybe it was a fake death in the family the morning we saw Aliens.
My dad showed me the way.
He took me to my first movie (Bugsy Malone), my first drive-in movie (The Muppet Movie) and my first R-rated movie (Blue Thunder).
He brought the whole family to see E.T. and The Karate Kid. And I can still hear him laughing out loud during National Lampoon’s Vacation (“The dog wet on the picnic basket!”).
It didn’t take long to get me hooked.
When I got older, my friends and I would ride our bikes to the mall to see anything and everything. We’d go see the same movie twice… sometimes three or four times (Raiders of the Lost Ark). Once on Dollar Tuesdays, we binged five movies in a row.
I spent whole summers in the dark air-conditioning, living on free popcorn refills and Twizzlers smuggled in my cargo pants.
I know it sounds like I’m laying it on thick with all this back-in-the-day reminiscing… and maybe I am. But the thing is, my love has never wavered.
Going to the movies stayed important through my teens and twenties (Die Hard, Fight Club, Magnolia, Rushmore, Pulp Fiction). I recall transcendent theater experiences from my thirties and forties (Kill Bill, The Dark Knight, Mad Max: Fury Road).
These days I still get giddy before a show.
There’s nothing better than a great movie on the big screen. And a full house takes it to a whole other level.
Laughing and cheering with strangers? The BEST.
For two hours we can be collectively captivated by something other than the endless chatter of our phones and the relentless dumb noise of the outside world. We can go places we’ve never been and feel things we’ve never felt.
We can stare at a shirtless Channing Tatum without it getting weird.
Yes, I’m aware that I’m sounding very Nicole Kidman right now. It’s trendy to crap all over her “movies are magical” AMC commercials, but maybe the waxen-faced, spooky Australian doll lady has a point.
Movie theaters ARE magical…
EVEN THOUGH most of the films right now are loud, CGI superhero garbage or overworked, stylized odes to ultra-violence…
AND the cost of taking a family out to the theater (with snacks and drinks) has become prohibitively expensive and frankly depressing…
AND theaters front-load every screening with 40 minutes worth of obnoxious, repetitive ads and pre-show “content” presented by adorable skeleton (and possible hostage) Maria Menounos…
AND the general vibe of movie theater staff is like a doomed ship’s crew who knows that the hull is taking on water and nobody is going to make it to shore.
I don’t care. I still love them.
I want them to live.
I want movies to stay magical.
That’s why I’m going to keep showing up.
Let me know if I should save you a seat.
Sincerely,
DJ CrankyPete
Five Song Friday 055
“Eye Know” - De La Soul, Otis Redding
De La Soul’s early albums finally made it to streaming platforms last week after languishing in legal digital limbo for years. The celebration seemed bittersweet after the passing of band member Dave (aka Trugoy the Dove) on February 12. But the worldwide social media streams were still awash in high praise for the back catalog and full of personal stories about how the groundbreaking trio’s music changed lives.
I had 3 Feet High and Rising on repeat through most of 1989 and gladly count myself as a De La Disciple. Prove it you say? I’ve got the album sleeve framed on my wall in a place of honor next to Crack Up by Redd Foxx and a laserdisc of The Terminator.
That’s right, I love them so much I drove a nail into a perfectly good wall.
“Car Crash #1” - Craft Work
I go down a lot of Spotify rabbit holes. It’s like wandering the aisles and racks of the world’s largest used record store and then finding a door that leads to the subterranean catacombs. Even when it gets creepy and weird, I keep going. I can’t remember the bread crumbs that led me to this particular track and I don’t know much about who made it or why. All I know is that I likes it. I really likes it.
[cut to me typing a Google search, learning that Craft Work is a side project of Belfast musician Chris Ryan, who is also part of Robocobra Quartet, a jazz-spoken word-punk band described as “Fugazi meets Mingus.” SOLD!]
“A Whole Pot of Jelly (For A Little Slice of Toast)” - Pete Wingfield
I’d never heard of Pete Wingfield before this week. But the British musician, producer and piano player gets around. In addition to his 1975 album, Breakfast Special, Pete played piano with a list of legends including BB King, Paul McCartney and The Hollies. But perhaps most notably, he co-wrote “To Be or Not To Be” aka “The Hitler Rap” with Mel Brooks in 1980. Once you pen lines like, “Don’t be stupid; be a smarty / Come on and join the nazi party,” it’s all downhill. In a good way.
“Vibe Check” - Gilligan Moss
Please do not address your fan mail to Mr. Gilligan Moss. There is no such man. It is simply the name of the musical pairing of two guys named Ben and Evan who live in New York. If you would like to thank them for this sublime and sweet jam, which is ideal for sun-dappled springtime driving, please visit them under their favorite tree in Central Park and trade high-fives in person.
“Check Your Optimism” - Vanillaroma
Google “Vanillaroma” and you’re going to get a lot of information about car air fresheners. You know those smelly, dangly doohickeys that swing from your rearview mirror? The things that are supposed to give your rank ride the aroma of tropical fruit and salty ocean air and never work. People can totally tell that something died in your trunk. They know you’re trying to cover it up. You can buy all the pine trees and piña colada you want, but they are on to you. The noose is tightening.
I’m afraid the only way to get free and clear of suspicion is to torch your car, collect the insurance money and get yourself a sweet new whip. Nobody takes a whiff of “new car smell” and asks questions. “New car smell” is widely regarded as the most powerful aphrodisiac/narcotic/sedative combo known to man. It’s hard science.
Listen on Spotify
Listen on YouTube Music
NOTE: In lieu of the single Craft Work track, YouTube Music only had a “video” of the 3-song album. So that’s what you get.
That’s all for now. Thanks for reading!
“It doesn't mean that much to me to mean that much to you.” ― Neil Young